


speared like an asparagus

by catpoop



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Gen, Misunderstandings, keith hoards weapons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-03 21:45:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12155418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catpoop/pseuds/catpoop
Summary: What Lance thinks is a confession of love from Keith turns out to be ...Lance is scared.





	speared like an asparagus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RukaIsAFan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RukaIsAFan/gifts), [chiapslock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiapslock/gifts).



> (leandro alejandro nunez cuesta espinosa is daddyroboarm's hc, of course)

“ _I love you, Lancey-Lance._ ”

Leandro Alejandro Núñez Cuesta Espinosa, or Lance for short, suffers a heart attack at the ripe old age of seventeen. He clutches at his chest in mock agony, slamming a fist into Keith’s door once, then twice for good measure. 

He doesn’t expect it to creak open and for Keith to stand there petrified, caressing a … long pointed stick? With a spearhead on the end?

“Is that –” _Is that the Lancey-Lance you were referring to?_

Keith whips the weapon behind his back, standing ramrod-straight as he stares at Lance. “What do you want?”

“Uh, I –” Lance shakes himself, “I thought you said my name.” _In a very uncharacteristic croon_. Lance shivers.

“No I didn’t.” Keith’s stare follows him out of the room, and so does that single echoing sentence he’d overhead. 

Lance shivers again, feeling like he’d walked in on an intimate moment. Thankfully, Hunk is the best friend he could’ve asked for, passing him a plate of oven fries (fried _what_ is the question) the moment he trods into the room.

“Try this.”

Lance stuffs a handful into his mouth. “Oh god, bro, my man, my – do you know what just happened to me?”

“Uhuh?” Hunk asks in the kind of interested tone that shows he’s more focused on his cooking. Lance barrels on anyway.

“So I, so I was just chilling in the corridor, you know? And then I walk past Keith’s room, and guess what I hear?”

Hunk makes a noncommittal noise.

“That’s right, he’s saying some weird bullshit. But this time, it’s –” He puts on a creaky falsetto, nothing like Keith’s actual voice, “ _I love yooouu, Lancey-Lance_.”

 _That_ catches Hunk’s attention. “He what?”

“I know right! And here I thought he’s singing love poems about me, but it was just a … lance. An actual, pointy lance. Is he even allowed to have that shit in his room?”

Hunk snorts. “Maybe Shiro is okay with it? I dunno, did you ask him?”

Lance crams another handful of mystery fries into his mouth before bolting for the door. “Good idea!”

\-----

He watches fearfully as Shiro raises a single, impressive eyebrow. “He _what_ , now? I thought we banned weapons in bedrooms already.”

“Yeah, that –” _Why was that ever an issue?_ Lance scratches his head as Shiro swiftly disappears from the room.

\-----

“Keith!” Shiro voice is loud through the closed door. “Keith, I’ve been hearing things.”

Keith pulls the door open, face impassive. “What.”

“Lance says you’ve been hoarding alien weapons again.”

“No I haven’t!” Screw Lance for tattling on him. But under Shiro’s strict gaze, there’s little Keith can do except for reach under his bed, into his closet, and into his pockets until all twenty five pieces of maybe-dangerous weaponry are stacked in a pile in the centre of his room.

“Is that all?” Shiro scowls, eyeing the tiny throwing knife that he’s certain Keith has more than one of. He’d found at least three in his bed in the past week, after all.

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm.” Keith fidgets.

“ _Really?_ ”

Keith squirms under his prying gaze, unable to help the slight-guilt. “Okay, fine! I had a few more of these.”

Shiro doesn’t even blink as a dozen more throwing knives fall from within his sleeve.


End file.
